The last twenty-four hours have been some of the worst of my entire life. I wish I could say there was a reason but I don't know why. I'm just suicidal all the time and I don't know what to do about it. I rang a few help lines in desperation in the wee hours of this morning. Life line didn't answer me, and suicide call back wasn't that helpful. Tomorrow I'm going to see my doctor and I think he's going to suggest hospitalisation, but all I want to say to him is, 'what good is that going to do?' It's all just prolonging the inevitable.
The only person in this whole world who can cheer me up is Him. I feel so undeserving and I've made so many mistakes, yet He still loves me unconditionally. It's hard for me to grasp. I'm so unworthy. He's the only thing that stopped me killing myself today; He gives me hope and makes me smile. I don't know how He deals with the burden that I am on Him. I can't help thinking that it won't be long before He finds out that I'm not what He thinks I am and finds me wanting.
Just a short blog tonight... not feeling up to writing any more, my feelings are overwhelming me again. Taking it second by second at the moment, I hope I make it to tomorrow.
1 comment:
I know how you feel about the prolonging the enivitable, it definitley does feel like that hey. Here for you as is "he" xx
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