I spoke to my friend Claire today at DBT who said she has had a look at this blog and I should start it up again so I'm going to try to be more motivated to post a bit more.
I'm really struggling with my relationship with Him at the moment. I know from His perspective everything is going great, but I cant help thinking about the future and to be honest, the future looks bleak and uninviting. I need to talk to Him, but I know its not going to go down well.
We are working on interpersonal skills in DBT at the moment, learning how to respect ourselves so that we can demand respect from other people. Something I often struggle with.
For example yesterday at work, one of the alarms was set off and the police were called. Of course, I'm the one that gets the blame because 'I'm the new white girl' even though it wasn't my fault which was eventually proven. Yet I just sit back and take that criticism from people. OK, no one actually said that I'm the new, white girl, that's just how I feel because I stick out like a sore thumb in that place. It becomes really easy for people to put things on me like that and I need to learn to be more assertive and not take it.
I'm getting better with customers though. that's a positive for me.
To work on ways to respect ourselves, we've been given a sheet for an action plan to implement a basic human right that we've chosen for ourselves. I've chosen two, but the main one I am focusing on is the right to feel good about myself.
Its really interesting going through the action plan to see the sorts of beliefs I have about myself. Eg I must be perfect; and being overweight means I'm bad and lazy.
I was kind of aware that some of these issues had stemmed from my mother but as I was thinking about it I realised that some of the bullying I'd had in primary school had really had an impact on me too. Interesting, because I didn't know I was still carrying that baggage around. It's another area of my life where I'll have to do some forgiving.
You may have noticed I've changed my style of writing a little. I think I'm going to keep it a little more conversational like this to keep the pressure of myself from it being to perfect. I was getting really OCD with my grammar and articulation earlier and it was becoming a burden. Hope it's still readable.
Going to go work on a pros and cons list on my relationship with Him now, see if I can get anything out of that.
x
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1 comment:
it is amazing how the words of primary school kids can have such a long lasting effect on us. I was bullied there too, plus at high school and university too and it really does give you a warped sense of what is normal.
But using the 11 basic rights and doing the action plans I do believe we can start to change the faulty core beliefs implanted in us at such a young age.
Congrats at starting the blog again xx
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